A Bitter Tongue
by southern cross
Summary: Everyday it hurts more and more so Jessi makes a decision and Kyle reacts. Kessi post finale.
1. Chapter 1

I love Kessi and I've been missing Kyle XY something fierce these days, so I am pouring my angst and frustration into this piece. Would love to hear any opinions on the angst. I own nothing and mean no harm.

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Nicole had told her to be patient.

Lori had promised that it would eventually work itself out.

Andy had just rolled her eyes and predicted half dozen dark haired geniuses.

Try as she might Jessi just didn't have the heart to watch Kyle and Amanda try another go at 'it' whatever 'it' was between two people who hardly knew each other anymore and had the connection of a tin can string phone.

Frustrated and just the slightest bit nauseous Jessi made a decision, a life altering and perhaps hasty choice, but one she knew in her heart was right. At least it was right for her heart because that was breaking a little more every time the door to the house opened for _her_.

Plans had been made quickly and quietly. She had kept nothing from Nicole and Stephen, they were her guardians, but more importantly they cared. They didn't bail on lunches or forget promises.

Bitter was the word of the month, she had become more angry and more bitter than even those first few days after her life had not turned out to be her life.

She didn't like it.

Not one bit.

Her own fault, she knew it, but it didn't matter. Kyle had kissed her, had maybe sort of cared, and then promptly backed away and chosen someone else.

Well so be it.

He could have his precious perfect Amanda.

There were no doubt dozens of yummy males on the East Coast and there was nothing and no one to stop her from wading through them.

"You're leaving," the memory of that voice might follow her. With her back to Kyle it wasn't hard to imagine him standing in her doorway a look of confusion and betrayal moving across his face. He pulled that face expertly just as she had mastered the cold and blank expression.

It was amazing what someone would forgive if they thought you were emotionally incapable of understanding the basics.

"Jessi," huh, she had forgotten he was there.

"Yeah, I'm leaving," her bags were packed, her ticket purchased. From what Nicole had said everyone was going to the airport, she honestly hadn't thought she was that popular.

Only fifteen minutes to go, "Jessi," the time would drag though if he just said her name.

Smoothing out the duvet covering her bed she finally bit the bullet and turned towards him. Damn him.

She cursed him from head to toe, for the jolt in her chest from simply seeing him, to the lust racing through her as she drank in the long sleeve blue shirt that was tighter than it needed to be. Leaving Seattle without a fresh reminder of the hours he had spent working out with Declan would have been really nice.

"I'm leaving in fifteen minutes Kyle," she wasn't sure she had wanted her voice to be quite that cold, but it was too late to take it back "was there something you wanted?"

His mouth opened and closed just as quickly, he looked twelve when he did that, no doubt Amanda found it charming; it irritated her. Kyle wasn't twelve, they were almost adults and it was time to start acting like it, time to stop hiding from the feelings that were growing inside.

And they had been growing inside of him, she knew it, had felt them, felt them growing inside of her every day. She had seen him with Amanda, it had burned her, but it had amused her as well; it was all so very clean and pretty between them.

Nothing between her and Kyle had been clean and it had been something, but she wouldn't have called it pretty. Lush and ripe, but never pretty, "twelve minutes Kyle."

His expression changed as she rolled her eyes, she felt her heart beat increase, heard his as well, he was getting angry.

"Were you going to tell me you were going," of course this was about him, wasn't it always.

Shrugging she crossed her arms, cupping her elbows; "I suppose I would have called if you hadn't come home by the time we left for the airport. Nicole said you had plans with your girlfriend," she absolutely refused to say _her_ name and it bugged him to no end.

His anger left him in a whoosh as her words sank in, she was leaving, and he she knew the exact moment it hit him. There were things he was going to say, she could see them forming on his tongue and she wasn't sure she was strong enough to hear what he may or may not really mean.

Turning her back on him, she walked to the window, it made her stomach clench when she found her eyes on Amanda's house.

"I'm in love with you," no good would come out of her saying this, but the words were coming anyway, "you don't want me, you want her and I don't want to see it anymore," and this time it was very much about her, "I am sorry if you think I should be strong and suck it up, but I'm not and I can't, so I'm leaving."

And that was it, that was all she had, turning she looked at him, her eyes studiously avoided his, "Don't come to the airport," it was an unexpected request and he flinched.

She didn't want him there, didn't know if she could actually get on the plane if he was there, and she had to do this, and had to go find who she was without him.

Heading for the door she stopped next to him, studying his profile, his face when he turned to look at her, as always his beauty took her breath away. There was a part of her that hoped that one day she would do that too him, but that wasn't going to be any time soon, and she had to go, "good-bye Kyle."

Leaving him standing in her empty bedroom, he didn't chase after her, didn't yell at her to stop even though her fingers had been crossed for just that thing until the car had turned off their street.

No one had spoken until they had gotten to the airport. Everyone knew that Kyle had gone upstairs to see her and had not come down, Jessi wondered if he had called Amanda; if she was right now sitting on her bed listening to him rant.

"Jessi," Nicole placed a hand on her arm, the lights above them in the terminal were flickering, "are you sure about this?"

Reigning in her thoughts she shook her head, more sure now than she had been, "I have to go, it hurts," it was the most she had said to anyone and Nicole gasped.

With the arms wrapped around her Jessi pretended just for a second that everything was going to be OK.

Airport security being what it was, she had to make the final part of her departure on her own, and it fit.

"You'll be home for Christmas," the way Nicole said it there was no room for argument, and so she said yes and promised to call as soon as she landed.

10,000 feet in the air, Rufus Wainwright was playing on her iPod the first of her tears began to fall, pressing her fingers against the fingers of the small window to her left she whispered his name one last time, "good-bye Kyle."


	2. Chapter 2

Wow. I really don't know where this came from. Initially this was supposed to be the last part of another Kyle story I had written, but I shelved it and went with something else. So here it is unbetae'd or rewritten you are getting it as is. Please enjoy and I would love to hear and thoughts. I own nothing and mean no harm.

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The transition from teenager to adult was not at all what he thought it was going to be. One morning he woke up and technically, legally, he was an adult; but in his head and his heart nothing felt different.

"Good morning birthday boy."

From the door Nicole stood with a tray stacked high with pancakes.

"Good morning."

He smiled from his desk and stood. There had been little sleep for him last night; unexpected nerves had kept him up.

"I thought you might like something a little special this morning."

Standing he took the breakfast tray and set it lightly on his desk. Nicole pulled over another chair and patted the chair next to her.

"I know there are lots of plans for your special day, but I wanted this time just for us."

Grinning, feeling better than he had since the sun had risen, he took the seat and dug into the plate Nicole set before him.

They chatted over their meal, sharing their favorite memories and silly moments.

"I can't believe you're eighteen."

There were tears in Nicole's eyes, "what's wrong?"

Birthdays were a rite of passage, one that marked growth and change, but he had never thought that they could be sad.

Nicole waved her hand, giving him a watery smile, he handed her the unused napkin that still sat on the tray.

"It's nothing, really, I'm a Mom and you're growing older, and I am allowed to be emotional."

Understanding, he leaned to his left and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, this was another thing he had discovered; people, women in particular, got sentimental about the funniest things.

"So what big plans do you have today?"

The house was beginning to wake up, the stomping feet and shouts trickled down into his room, "I'm not sure."

"Well I'm sure that whatever goes on it'll be a special day for you."

A special day, that's what birthdays were, a person's one day a year that they can be special. It's perhaps because this day was so special that he was feeling so down. Everyone wanted to celebrate his special day, everyone except someone who was special to him than he had ever realized.

Perhaps he had been projecting his thoughts, he was pretty sure he could do it if he tried hard enough, Nicole squeezed his hand, "you know I'm sure Jessi wishes she could be here."

At the mention of her name his stomach twisted, "yes, of course she would," he doubted it though. Jessi had been gone eight weeks three days and thirteen hours and he hadn't heard from her once. So no, he didn't think Jessi wishes she was anywhere else.

After all she had been the one to leave, the one to slip away without warning or a proper goodbye; she had simply left him.

"Your day is going to be wonderful," Nicole had stood, and he automatically followed taking her hug and offering to clean up after their impromptu meal.

"Absolutely not, no cleaning no fixing, nothing, it's your day," and before he could protest, ask her to stay, she was gone.

No one would have ever called him a loner, he was as comfortable with others as he was with himself, but he had never actively put himself into one situation over another.

Not anymore; he craved the presence, the distraction of as many people as much as possible. If any of his friends or family noticed his new clinginess they had not said anything to him. The last thing he wanted was to be around people, he ached for privacy, longed for quiet.

The moment he was alone though, his thoughts began to wander and his heart began to ache, he would think about her, Jessi, and it would just hurt so much. Kyle had experienced loss and heartache; between the pain of losing Adam and the reality of his birth he had gotten his fair share of both.

Nothing though, _nothing_, had prepared him for the loss in his heart that Jessi had left him with. No one else had been prepared for the change in him either.

Finally he had told Amanda, she had asked him over and over what was wrong, why wasn't he smiling or laughing, this was supposed to be their time, finally, and he had simply looked at her and whispered the one answer she had not been able to handle, 'Jessi left me'.

Amanda had left him too after that.

He suspected the loss of her companionship would have hurt more if is heart hadn't already been broken, but maybe not. Amanda had never really been his so what was there to lose.

Jessi though, Jessi had been his from the very beginning and he hadn't even realized it until she was gone.

He was eighteen now technically and legally an adult, today was the first day of the rest of his adult life and all he wanted to do was stomp his foot and demand she come back. He wanted everything back to the way it was before. With Declan and Lori back together and bickering, Josh and Andy cuddled up on the sofa, and Jessi standing in his doorway looking at him like he was everything.

That look he had taken for granted, everything about her he had taken for granted and he wanted her back, needed her back.

It wasn't like he could go to her.

Go to her, he stood; his room began to fade away as his thoughts focused and crystallized on an idea, a plan. A blueprint on how to work him out of the misery he was wallowing in, and he really needed to stop listening to Lori's emo playlist, but it was an idea.

If Jessi had left him and he was miserable, than wouldn't it stand to reason that if he was back with her than he wouldn't be miserable anymore. It was more than reasonable, it was logical.

Moving faster and with more animation than he had in weeks he grabbed a bag out of his bureau and began stuffing clothes in. Foss would be angry, angrier than Kyle had ever probably seen him; there were plans, great and complicated plans for Kyle's life. Plans that were going to upended by his trip across the country, but it was his life now, eighteen had never sounded so good, he smiled, and what his life needed was her.

Grabbing his wallet and passport, you never knew, he grabbed his phone and Google flight times with one hand. In the other hand he hastily scrawled out a note of explanation and apology tacking it in the only empty spot on his cork board, the spot had been empty for six weeks one day two hours.

He was taking a big risk, he hopped onto the window ledge, a huge gamble, he surveyed the contents of the only home he had known; growing up meant leaving behind the comforts of home and taking chances on the maybes.

Maybe she would give him another chance, maybe she laugh at him, maybe she had found someone else to laugh with; his jaw clenched at the one possibility he hadn't ever wanted to acknowledge. Just because he had been too blind to see everything that she was didn't mean anyone else hadn't.

Swinging his legs through the window he knew he still had to go, he still had to try; he was finally doing something.

All in all it wasn't a bad way to start adulthood.


	3. Chapter 3

This was not at all where I had planned on going with this, I hadn't even intended for this to be from her perspective but the ball got rolling and it turned into a monster. I adore writing Jessi and she was talking to me hard in this chapter. Please take a moment and hit the button and tell me what you think of the update.

The move had been the right thing to do. Since the moment the plane had crossed the Mississippi she had known it was the right choice.

There had been pangs, she had missed the sort of friends and quasi family she had integrated with, but ultimately they had done without her and she was learning to do fine without them.

Actually she had been pretty much the same, quiet introverted, still the smartest person in the room; but there were no hidden looks, no frowns of concern.

If people thought she was odd it was no stranger than the guy who counted the pigeons who landed on the eve of the roof of the graduate library. Here she was just Jessi, quiet, smart Jessi.

And it was absolutely wonderful.

She walked across the empty quad a book in one hand, a hot tea in the other, she felt the earth beneath her feet and the beginning of fall in the air; everything was as it should be, and it crept across her.

That energy, the spark of life, she would know it anywhere. Her feet rooted to the spot she had looked around frantically, he was here, he had to be, and there was no other explanation for it. No one else had ever given her that tug in her stomach, that pull.

And while she might have been the quiet girl, she was attractive enough to have caught the interest of one or two brave upperclassmen and while they had been nice, none of them had given her a fraction of what she was feeling at that moment.

His name had slipped from her lips once, it had felt strange coming from her lips, and it had been weeks since she had said it aloud. It was still her favorite set of syllables.

In a blink he had been standing in front of her, fifteen feet separated them, she had been grateful for the space. He had looked different, his eyes darker, his face covered in an unfamiliar 5 o'clock shadow.

Kyle, here on her east coast, it had been slow to process. And when it had hit she had turned on her heel and walked away.

He had not followed.

Not risking a confrontation at her dorm room she had hidden in the stacks of the undergraduate library. When he had not pursued her, she had thought maybe she had imagined the whole thing.

Until her first class the next day and he had been sitting in the last row, third seat from the aisle. With his pen poised and laptop open he looked like any other first year.

Except he was so much more, she had taken her customary seat, four rows from the top and most definitely an aisle seat and class had proceeded without incident.

By the third run-in her anger had waned into incredulity. He had come here to the coast he hadn't wanted to go to and enrolled in a school he had had no interest in and for what? For her had been the instant response.

A ludicrous thought but the only one she had had to go with. There was no other explanation for his continued appearance in each of her selected classes but that he was here for her.

What puzzled her most, beyond the insanity of his initial appearance had been the distance he had been keeping between them. Not once in the three weeks since his appearance had he made any attempt to speak to her alone and they only interacted in the discussion labs and only then at the insistence of the TA's whom she had discovered enjoyed riling them up and watching them go at each other.

And go at it they did. He challenged her like no one else, none of the classes or the professors could match her like he could. No one could keep up and it was as exhilarating as it was infuriating.

Finally, after a particularly rousing discussion of medieval poetry she had reached her breaking point. As she was always the first to leave their assigned classrooms it had been easy enough to lay in wait for him amidst the groups of smokers who congregated outside each exit.

"Why Kyle could you just please tell me why," she had grabbed his arm, perhaps harder than she should as the look on his face was one of pain as much as it was surprise.

"Could you be more specific?" he had bent down to speak the words into her ear and having him so close had been a stupid idea. She had stepped back trying to remember if his voice had always been so warm, or so deep.

Taking a deep breath had not given her strength; she had in fact lost her nerve and had fled from the moment.

Two more weeks had passed, he had said nothing, but he had met her eyes with a smile more often and their debates were becoming something of note. More than one professor had dropped by to observe and on occasion participate.

"What brought you here," he had been sitting alone at one of the tables in the union and she had taken the seat across from him, her question asked before she could think of stopping it.

"I missed you."

The answer had stunned her.

She had fled as quickly as she had impulsively sat down.

Sitting next to him the next day in Psychology had been easier than she had thought it would be.

Everything was easier between them this time around. The talking was easier, the working was more comfortable and the laughing there was more laughing between them than she had thought possible.

Breakfast had been cleared from the buffet lines, the only options had been the salad bar and various snacks, she had settled on cottage cheese and mozzarella sticks to carry her over until lunch officially started. Mid terms had arrived and the mood on campus was frantic, she could only imagine what finals would be like.

Kyle had taken the seat across from her with ease; her eyebrow had risen at the sight of a fruit cup and cheese cubes.

"I still train with Foss."

She had sat back hard in the plastic chair.

"When it became clear that I wasn't going back," and she had wondered how exactly that had been received, "Foss packed up and moved out here."

Stunned she watched him eat the grapes and the Swiss.

"I just wanted you to know, you know, in case you wanted to come," his eyes met hers, the darkness that had been there that first day had faded in the intermittent weeks and the blue that looked at her was clear and warm and full of sincerity.

"As great as the higher education offered on these hallowed grounds," he waved piece of honeydew around and she smirked, "there are other things that _we_ could be practicing."

Her tongue had pressed to the back of her front teeth; they had eaten the rest of their brunch in silence.

She had joined him early that next Saturday morning, arrival at the predetermined location even earlier than Foss and certainly earlier that Kyle. Foss had been as pleasant as she had expected, grunting a hello, she had been stunned when he had held the door open for her.

His curt response was forgotten the moment Kyle had arrived, the smile on his face, it had burned into her head, her heart. He had been so happy to see her there.

There had been no happy thoughts two hours later. Foss had a very special training plan. One part torture and three parts sadism they were halfway through their second set of a hundred crunches, not any crunches mind you, no, every rep chin to knee had to be accompanied by the number, called out in seven different languages. Perfect intonation was required and the order had to vary with each rep.

Of course Kyle had smirked at her when she had heard the requirements, and she had gritted her teeth and simply dropped to the mat.

They were sparring in the boxing ring the next Saturday, she had been practicing her kickboxing and he had been working on his blocking.

"Is that all you got?" Kyle taunted, not as often as Foss nowhere near her own smart mouth, but it had accompanied a smirk and it had struck her the wrong way.

Her adrenaline spiked and she aimed a rough kick to his thigh which he blocked, the force of which managed to set him back two steps, she smirked back at him.

"I don't trust you," the words fell out of her mouth faster than she could catch them.

The straight kick went right for his head, she barely managed to throw her weight off when he didn't raise his hands to block; he still landed flat on his ass.

Standing over him, hands on her hips, she would over him a hand, but he looked like he needed a minute or seven exactly where he was, "Jessi."

The moan that followed had haunted her, she hadn't known if it was from her kick or her revelation, but it was what she felt.

Whether she was still feeling it wasn't clear, when she had seen him in class Monday there had been a dark tint to his eyes that had made her uncomfortable.

She didn't want to be responsible for the state of his eyes; it was a burden she had no right to bear. Wasn't there a dirty blond in the Pacific Northwest who should be holding that candle?

The question had eaten at her, at them, all week.

They had taken to sitting with a chair in between them during lectures.

Security had almost been called during discussion on Thursday.

Their steps forward were being dogged by small shuffles back.

Friday night on campus, even one with as high standards as theirs, was on occasion rambunctious. Shouts could be heard from the quad, her roommate had promised to be back after sunrise.

Nothing about public drunkenness had appealed to her, but she had indulged in the occasional Greek party, the music called to her, appallingly loud and with a rumbling bass she could feel through her shoes.

Her iPod was charging, no music tonight, she craved the silence. Wished she could go for a run, but couldn't actually drag her feet out of her room to accomplish the task. The energy sliding under her skin would simply have to endure.

The sharp rap at her door had startled her.

"Hello Kyle."

Her words muttered before the door was even half way opened.

His appearance was not unexpected and only somewhat unwanted.

"I've never done right by you."

The energy she had thought was enough for an eight mile run evaporated with his words; she sank heavily onto the edge of her bed as he began to pace the short distance between her bookcase and her roommate's desk.

"Over and over I made the wrong decisions, I pushed when I should have pulled and yelled when I should have listened, and I-it-"

The words drained out of him. The shadow of a beard was back, darker than the last time she had seen him unshaven, it had been inappropriate but her mind wandered. How would they feel under her palm? Against her cheek?

Things had been good between them, he had been listening because she had been speaking and there had been progress. His pacing uncertainty was on her, on her mumbled revelation.

"I don't trust you Kyle because you have my heart. You've always had it and you threw it away, stepped on it," he looked at her with devastation in his eyes.

She shrugged, "but maybe it shouldn't matter because my heart is better now, it's probably worth more now than it ever would have been before," standing she was going on her gut, following her instinct and it was screaming, her palms were itching to feel the scratch of his beard.

"And you still have it," she cupped his face, the delicious rub of her hands and his face sent a jolt down her spine.

"Break my heart again-"she couldn't say it, it would do her in, but there was one more thing that had to be said, that she knew was truth, "I'm trusting you with it."

Pressing her lips against his was the most sensible thing to do.

So she did.

And he kissed her back, repeatedly.

Through the night and into the morning; her roommate got an eyeful an hour after sunrise.

Kyle had blushed.

What they were doing was probably foolish.

Kyle still had to save the world and they were going to have to face everyone at Christmas.

There would be looks and questions and God help them all if _she_ gets smart at any given time.

Those kickboxing lessons were sure to come in handy at that point.

"Things might get ugly," she was tracing a lazy pattern on the smooth skin stretching over his sternum.

"True," his fingers were buried in her hair scratching at her scalp; the movement was hypnotic, relaxing.

Her roommate was already snoring, sleep was tugging at her as well, and she wondered if he would stay.

"It's worth it though," the tightening of his voice made her smile, she pressed a kiss to his chin, "you're worth it."

No doubt in his speech, no hesitation in his heartbeats, she trusted that, would trust him.

Closing her eyes she let sleep take hold.


	4. Chapter 4

Wanted this to go one way and it went somewhere totally different. While I love the angst I'm also a romantic at heart. Hope you enjoy the finale. Please review.

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Lori had smirked.

Andy had come right out with an 'I told you so'.

Stephen had smiled and slapped Kyle on his back.

Nicole had wrapped her arms around them both and kissed them each on the cheek, "I'm so glad you found each other again."

Had they all been waiting for this? At the easy acceptance of their relationship Jessi figured they had.

Christmas back in Seattle had been relaxed and full of big dinners and loud stories. Jessi had fallen asleep more than once on the sofa, Kyle had been gracious enough to carry her up to her room.

They might have been a couple but there were still house rules and one of them had included separate bedrooms. Jessi could admit that she had missed him, and she wouldn't forget the look in his eye when she had told him. Not long ago it would have been Jessi seeking reassurance of what Kyle was feeling.

"He's crazy about you," Nicole had come out to the porch, a cup of hot tea in hand.

"Thanks," Jessi had taken the mug, grateful for the heat. December in the Pacific Northwest was not to be underestimated.

"I still can't believe that it's me he's looking at like that," Jessi heard Nicole's gasp but she only smiled down in her mug. Sharing thoughts had never been her strong suit but Jessi knew Nicole wouldn't judge.

"I mean I pinch myself each morning when he shows up with a coffee and a copy of school paper," the memory brings a smile to Nicole's face and Jessi is glad she shared it.

"So what's the problem," Nicole asked.

Jessi sat back, her spin stiff, "what makes you think there's a problem," Nicole put a hand on her arm and Jessi looked over.

"Because I know you and I know him," Jessi sighed, and of course Nicole would know something was wrong.

"There's nothing wrong," Nicole raised an eyebrow, "really, he's great, I'm happy," Jessi clarified.

"But," Nicole prompted. There was something there, but Jessi hadn't worked her way through it, that's why she had come outside. Everything had started here, at home, this is where they had found each other and this was where she left him behind. Maybe that's where to start.

"I made a big gesture, I left, and Kyle he followed me he fought for me, and" and what? What was it that was making Jessi frown when she should be smiling?

"He looks at me and I feel like he's memorizing everything," which he probably was, "like everything he remembers will carry him through when I leave again. It isn't balanced," Jessi doesn't know if what she is saying makes sense but Nicole nods, understanding what Jessi has only just found words for.

"Are you planning on leaving him," Jessi frowned at the question.

"Of course I'm not. I don't want anyone else, ever," it was probably a foolish thing to say, they were both so young, but Jessi meant it, "there won't be anyone other than Kyle for me."

Jessi waited for Nicole to start in, they were too young, they had their lives ahead of them, Jessi had heard it from her roommate and Foss had more than likely tried to sway Kyle.

The admonishment didn't come, Nicole took her hand and their cold fingers entwined.

"You want balance between you, you trust him again, and you want him to trust in you again," when Nicole put it that way, so simply, so clearly it made such perfect sense.

"When you left in the spring, you were so hurt, so bitter," tears began to well in Nicole's eyes, "I was so worried about you. About both of you, but you found each other."

Jessi was surprised, she had just assumed that Kyle and Amanda was the status quo, "trust is earned, and I would tell anyone else that time and communication is what's needed, but," Nicole smiled and squeezed Jessi's hand, "you and Kyle are all about the big gestures that make all kinds of statements on multiple levels."

Jessi laughed at Nicole's insight which was incredibly accurate, "so I need a big gesture?"

Nicole shrugged, "Or time and communication."

With another laugh Jessi picked up her empty mug, "come on its freezing."

Nicole had certainly given her something to think about. Jessi was certain that time and talking could fix this, Nicole was right, but Jessi wanted to give him something big, something grand. They could talk it out later.

Her thoughts were spinning with ideas; did she want to do something here? Did she want to do something back at school?

"Distracted much," Jessi jumped at the sound of Lori's voice.

"God I'm sorry," Jessi had wandered into Lori's room without knocking.

"You OK," Lori was pulling a shirt over her head and looked at Jessi in the mirror.

"Just thinking," Lori rolled her eyes in the reflection at Jessi's answer.

"Anytime you and Kyle are 'just thinking' something crazy happens," Jessi blushed but didn't deny it. Lori was good with schemes and plans, had helped out more than once, so the story spilled out in a rush of words.

Those tense weeks on campus and Jessi's begrudging acceptance of his presence. Jessi had shared some of it with Lori, they shared texts like breaths, but some things could only be fully vetted in person.

"Wow," Lori sat back against the headboard, "you guys don't pull any punches in the angst department do you."

Jessi shrugged, "it's not always so dark and gloomy between us. Things have, had, been great," and they had.

"But now you've gone and overanalyzed everything and want to tip the scales back," Lori deadpanned.

Jessi picked at a loose thread on the comforter, "I just don't want him to be so surprised when he calls me and I answer, or he reaches for my hand and I take it."

Lori snorted, "Yeah, I get that. You know when Declan and I reconnected we went through something similar," Jessi looked up smiling, Lori and Declan had been the talk of the Tragers during Thanksgiving.

"He would keep looking, you know staring, and when I would ask him about it he would just smile and say he liked that he could look at me and not hide it," Lori looked down, smiling at her hands.

"It was humbling, so I get it. I felt bad too, so I grabbed him by the ear and sat him down and told him I wanted him, more than anything and to quit it," how very Lori.

Jessi laughed, "Did it work?"

Lori shrugged, "I still catch him every once in a while, but it feels nice, there isn't that edge to it."

That was it exactly there was an edge to Kyle that Jessi didn't like, "so a big gesture is what I want," Jessi decided.

Lori smiled, "those are what I'm good at."

Declan was called and told to keep Kyle out of the house for the night. There was girl talk to be had and Lori was not risking 'superboy hearing' interfering in their scheming. Andy brought a white board and the ideas commenced through the night.

"This shouldn't be that hard," Jessi dropped to the floor; the white board was full of ideas. Some for Seattle, some for school, but none of them felt right.

"Half of these won't even work because of my roommate," Jessi picked up the box of Twinkies and pulled one out.

Andy rolled onto her stomach and took the box after Jessi offered it, "you should just move in together and then you could make all the grand gestures you wanted without interruption."

Jessi heard the words, heard Lori laugh and interject with something smart and inappropriate involving showers.

"That's it," Jessi scrambled to her feet, "you're a genius Andy."

"Wait, what," Lori asked.

Jessi was reaching for her laptop and turning it on. Typing quickly she filled in the Google search bar with her inquiry and turned the monitor around when the results popped up.

"I'm going to ask Kyle to move in with me," Jessi beamed, the idea already fully forming in her head. Lori and Andy both gaped up at her from the floor.

"It's perfect, between classes and training it just makes sense," Jessi was actually excited, "we've both done the dorm thing and now"-

Lori interrupted, "you two can be yourselves and not hide anything."

"It's perfect," Andy agreed.

They each opened a laptop and began cruising apartment rentals, "this one," Andy turned her monitor towards the room.

"Renovated loft, city views, secluded, short walk from campus," Lori summarized, "looks perfect to me."

Jessi took the computer and scanned the details and looked over the photos, "it's perfect."

Now that she had a plan, an idea, Jessi spent the next two days getting everything ready. Andy and Lori ran interference, keeping Kyle away when she was making phone calls, or distracting the house in its entirety when Jessi had to send emails and deposit checks.

"You're up to something," Kyle had cornered her after dinner.

Jessi had looked up into those blue eyes and tried to convey as much innocence as possible, "maybe, but you aren't going to get it out of me."

Kyle smirked, his hands going to her waist, "are you sure about that," his lips pressed to her neck and Jessi sucked in a deep breath, "I can be very persuasive."

Distance, Jessi needed clarity and hidden in the cupboard under the stairs wasn't the place for either. Slipping from his hold had been hard, they had been sustaining themselves on stolen kisses and sneaky grope, but she wanted him; ached for him.

"Behave Kyle," Jessi stepped into the hall, the tension between his eyes tugged at her heart, "you'll be very happy you did when we get back."

Her hint had done the trick, Kyle had backed off, had accepted that there was something up but that she would come clean soon enough. In his position Jessi would have hounded him until he coughed up the information.

New Year's came and the celebrated outside, bundled up they went as a group downtown and froze as they counted down the seconds. Jessi's first midnight kiss was as memorable as she had only imagined it could be.

On their way back to the car, if they had only lingered another few minutes the ugly scene might have been avoided, but Andy had been craving hot chocolate.

"Kyle," that voice was like nails on a chalkboard. Jessi tensed instantly, the warmth of Kyle's kiss vanished from her lips.

"Amanda," Kyle turned but did not let go of Jessi's arm, which she found remarkable. Lori had stepped close taking her other arm. Jessi had given her a smile that might have been slightly terrifying given Lori's wince.

"I'm so glad I ran into you," only you, not you guys, Jessi grit her teeth. Then there was a tug on her arm, Amanda had thrown her arms around Kyle's neck, Jessi might have let her jaw drop.

How clueless was this girl?

Lori stepped in before Jessi could properly lose her temper, "Amanda God hi, how are you," Andy had helped forcibly removing Amanda from Kyle and taking her arm.

"How's school, I love your hair, did I tell you Josh tried to get me to streak my hair yellow," Jessi watched Andy tug Amanda towards their cars, leaving Jessi with Kyle.

A silent and gaping Kyle, Jessi's heart flipped over, as it did every time she heard the name Amanda. Old doubts surfaced, despite the grand gesture that was days away, this was Kyle and he had always wanted Amanda.

Jessi tugged on his jacket, "you want to go catch up with them," 'with her' was implied.

Kyle looked down, frowning, "no, God no, it's just-"

"It's Amanda and she's the great love of your life," Jessi pulled her arm from his, she had been trying to keep it cool, but it was Amanda.

"Jessi that's not it," Kyle reached for her, but Jessi automatically took a step back, the pain in Kyle's reaction sucked her breath away, "Jessi," his plea was low and laced with pain.

"I get it, she just sucks you in," Jessi didn't understand, not at all. Not what he was feeling, not what she was feeling in her own head or heart, "it wasn't supposed to be like this?"

Crossing her arms Jessi looked down at her boots, curling her toes within them, "do you want her back?"

Kyle cursed and Jessi winced, but the words were still spilling from her stupid mouth, "I mean if she were to walk back over here and just throw herself in your arms, again, would you take her back?" Jessi didn't want to know the answer, hated that she even had to ask it.

"I can't believe you have to ask that," Kyle stepped forward and cupped her cheeks, "I can't believe that after _everything_ you have to ask me that."

Yes, it was stupid, but, "it's Amanda, your Amanda."

Kyle rolled his eyes, "but you're Jessi, my Jessi," she sucked in a breath, her eyes filling with tears.

"I'm sorry," she recanted, "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

Leaning forward Jessi pressed her lips against his, willing him to respond, she couldn't lose him. Kyle didn't hesitate, his lips moved against hers and Jessi felt his heart beat double and hers raced to catch up with his.

Despite the kiss there was tension in the house after New Years'. Jessi knew it was her fault, knew that her insecurity in the face of _her_ had hurt him and she wanted to fix it; fix him.

Lori had assured her that the big gesture would a long way towards that.

They left two days later, despite the cloud hanging over them; Jessi was glad that he held her hand as the plane took off.

Back on the still empty campus Jessi had put the final touches on the plan; texting Kyle to meet her, her thumb didn't hesitate when she sent him the address.

Standing on the front steps of the building, Jessi had gotten the extra set of keys made that morning, she watched each cab approach her thoughts racing. What if he didn't come? What if he didn't like it? What if he came and liked it but didn't want to live with her?

Jessi took a deep breath as a cab pulled up to the curb. Kyle stepped out and looked up at her, she knew she was grinning down at him stupidly, but she was so nervous, so excited it couldn't be helped.

"You came," Jessi reached up for a quick kiss.

Kyle pulled back; there was that shadow in his eyes, "of course I did," crap, that wasn't what she meant, well not really.

"I know I mean, I'm just excited," Jessi rambled.

With a laugh that almost chased the shadow away Kyle pressed a kiss to her temple, "I can see that. Care to share why."

"Yup," Jessi took his hand and pulled him inside. The lobby was simple, clean lines exposed brick. Jessi went to the elevator, one of those industrial ones with the doors you had to lift manually.

"Here, let me," Kyle pulled the gates shut and Jessi pressed nine, she wanted the top floor but it was under renovation for another tenant so she had taken the next floor down.

When the elevator stopped Jessi didn't wait for the gates to open all the way before she went in. Earlier she had come up, lit a few candles, and slid the one sofa she had bought closer to the windows. The view was better than the website had boasted.

"Jessi what-"

She waved him quiet and began taking her coat off, "First of all you have to know that this was in the works before New Years," Kyle's face darkened at the mention of that night but he didn't say anything, just continued taking his own coat off.

"Andy found it, came up with the idea initially, even if Lori had been the one to insist on a girls' night in the first place," Jessi had had a speech planned, but the nice neat words were lost to her now as she got caught up in the story.

"The night Declan kept me out," Kyle smiled.

Jessi grinned back, smoothing back her hair, "Yeah that was the night. I wanted to make a big gesture, one that set things right, that would, I don't know set things up for us because I want there to be an us, I want that so badly."

Kyle frowned, "Of course there's an us, Jessi I don't understand."

"I bought this loft for us," Jessi blurted out.

After his jaw dropped Kyle looked around slowly.

"You bought us a loft," Kyle asked.

Jessi nodded, "you wanted to make a big gesture?"

In retrospect it might have been more of a grand gesture, "Between classes and training," Jessi caught herself, cleared her throat and thoughts.

"I want to spend as much time with you as I can," her heart was giving her the words. Kyle stopped and turned towards her.

"You're it for me Kyle, at eighteen or eighty, it's you," Jessi couldn't wait to be eighty and still with him, "and I know soon enough you are going to have to go do whatever it is that you need to do, but I'm going to be with you every step and until we start moving on I wanted to have a place we could call our own."

Jessi wasn't sure she could say another word and not cry, thankfully Kyle had started talking, "Jessi. God Jessi, it's amazing, you're amazing."

With a wet laugh Jessi reached for him, "I love you," she whispered. He held her close, "I love you so much."

Kyle leaned back, "God I love you Jessi," the edge was gone from his eyes, his words, Jessi smiled at him.

"You like it," she had to know.

"It's wonderful," she might have believed it if he was looking at anything other than her, but she could live with that.

"When do we move in," he asked. Jessi dug into her pocket and pulled out his keys.

"Anytime we want," Kyle took the keys as he pressed his lips to hers.

They spent the night on the sofa, watched the sun rise and reflect on their bare skin.

As far as big gestures went Jessi thought she had outdone herself, "just wait until your birthday," Kyle whispered in her ear, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.

Jessi laughed, "I can't wait."


End file.
